[Several years ago, the Editor of KASTN (MY Han) was asked to write an article concerning the value the Korean-American community generally places on the education of their young. It was published under the title, Trophy Education, in the Korean-American Life, April 1990, pp. 10-13 (Washington, DC). The article was printed in both Korean and English side by side. At the request of the editors of a national monthly, Korean Journal-Nationwide, Houston, TX (http://www.koreainterad. com/koreanjournal.htm), the article was reprinted, in Korean only, in the May 1996 issue, p.37. The English version of it is posted here.
"The relentless push, immense sacrifices, and unrealistic expectations on the part of parents can and will do more harm than good in most cases. Education should be for the benefit of youngsters, not as an extension of the meaning of parents' lives."
Many stories abound about the extent to which parents are willing to sacrifice for the education of their young. A father and a mother may live an ocean apart literally - the Pacific Ocean in this case - just so that the mother can stay with and provide support and supervision to a child who is dedicating his/her life to the pursuit of excellence in classical music, be it in piano or violin. It is a common knowledge, in fact, that a small, but terribly expensive apartment in the vicinity of the Juliard School of Music may be shared by two or more young Korean-American students, along with their respective live-in mothers, who think nothing of sleeping on the floor of a dinnette corner. A family of a Korean college professor might immigrate to this country, and the parents would work no less than 70 hours a week operating anything from a street vending cart to a fruit stand or a tiny fish store, all for the purpose of sending their son to a medical school. A Yale education from a wig shop or a coin laundromat - at any cost, at any sacrifice, and at any burden! What drive and what expectation! This is what legends are made of.
It would appear that such a remarkable acrifice-and-success combination ought to be the model and envy of all, especially the minorities, who cherish the American dream. But that is not necessarily the case - not for everyone anyway. Is there a downside to this terribly stressful premium value placed on professional achievement? The answer, I'm afraid, is "yes." There are some disturbing aspects of this relentless drive of parents, and some serious questions that can be raised. At least three of these questions require some deep reflection.
The first question is an obvious one, but of devastating consequence nevertheless. For every spectacular success there are at least ten to twenty failures or mediocre performaces at best. Not everyone is gifted with the potential of becoming a world class concert violinist. No matter how long or how hard a youngster may dedicate his/her effort, the youngster simply may not have what it takes to become Korea's van Cliburn. Despite all the lure of financial reward and status, a youngster may completely lack the aptitude to become a medical doctor. The same goes for scientists, engineers and other professionals. What about those who fail to measure up to the expectations of their parents and cannot justify all the sacrifices made by them? Are they to suffer and languish the rest of their lives, shckled by the burden of guilt, inferiority and failure? Should they not be given ample opportunities to pace their education on their own terms and to turn into a self-reliant, resourceful, happy and complete individuals who can make their own decisions about the goals and directions of their lives? The relentless push, immense sacrifices, and unrealistic expectations on the part of parents can and will do more harm than good in most cases. Education should be for the benefit of youngsters, and not as an extension of the meaning of parent's lives.
The second question is more subtle, goes deeper into our consciousness, and requires careful soul searching. When parents push our youngsters, they should ask the following question: How much of the desire and motivation are aimed for the benefit of the youngsters, and how much for the fulfilment of glory for the parents? It may not be an easy question to answer, but by raising such question, we would have already half-answered it. Are the successes so fiercely sought for the happiness of the youngsters or more as the crowning 'trophies' for parents? That is the question. I often run into Korean parents who cherish boasting, non-stop and till their mouths run dry, about the details of a New England boarding school their youngsters attend. When I actually meet up with these students, I often find them to be passive, resigned, and devoid of positive and engaging personalities. The poor kids may be falling through a gap, the gap between two cultures too wide for them to bridge. In the same vein, it seems to matter less to the parents what their youngsters are learning than the fact that they are enrolled in the 'right' schools - Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Stanford, and so on. In their zeal to pursue superlative professional achievements for their youngsters, many parents seem not to realize that they are in effect demanding their children to become shining trophies. There is a fine dividing line between a benevolent push and an overzealous drive to seek a 'trophy' education.
The third question deals with the quality of the end product of such a high-voltage pursuit of education. As already stated, there is no doubt that the Korean-American communities, along with other Asian American communities, have produced a large number of superb professionals - world-class musicians, scientists, engineers and medical doctors. Quite often, however, these professionals turn out to be rather narrowly focused, and their perspectives on life appear to be one-dimensional. An engineer with almost no breadth in his grasp of the world in which we live. A "high-tech coolie," remember? Consider the position occupied by the rich Japanese today. Japan is now the richest country in the world with their per capita GNP surpassing the $26,000 mark. Despite all their riches and technological sophistications, just how much admiration and respect do you suspect they command from the rest of the world? Koreans tend to be no better than Japanese in this respect - super-efficient, bu very narrowly focused and professionally one-dimensional. We do not want our youngsters to turn into one-domentional high- tech coolie, do we?
The second-generation Korean-Americans are just getting under way with their lives, and for the first time in American history, are collectively defining their identity as they go. This country is where they will do everything. They live here, hold jobs and contribute to the society, get their families started, and educate their own children. This is their land, thier culture, and their lives. We, as parents, can and should provide the correct framework for their education as well as their success, and, yes, we should also push hard. But one thing to keep in mind is that they are masters of their own lives, and we should never expect or impose on them the requirement of a 'trophy' education and a 'trophy' success, for the simple reason that it would be a trophy not for the youngsters themselves but for their parents.